Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
