Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
