you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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