can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
