just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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