apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
