her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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