I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why do cheetos always look like penises
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
