She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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