highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
