So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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