Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
