Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
