I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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