I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
