Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
