Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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