The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
