Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
