Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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