How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
