The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dicks are not precious.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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