Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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