from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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