remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
