So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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