Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
