maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
