turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
