I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
