Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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