I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
