I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
