she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
