3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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