My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
