You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Actions speak louder than pants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
