Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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