Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
