Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
