We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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