shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
