My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
