3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
