tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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