Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
