I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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