is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
