You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
