Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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