This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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