I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
