He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
