1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
