Christians are straight up FREAKS
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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