I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
