i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
