I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
