When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
