How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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