Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
