So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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