One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
