This is not my ceiling
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
